Mom Envy and How to Conquer It

I am basically the laziest mom that has ever lived. My laundry and dishes stay piled up, I have probably not brushed my hair in a week and I do my make up in the car daily because I know I need to wake up earlier but can't make myself do it... I know I'm lazy. I'm working on it... slowly but surely I plan on using this blog as a platform to help other lazy moms like myself figure out this crazy life and parenting... That doesn't mean when I see women out and about in public rocking an actual hair style, with make up that isn't smeared, and polite little angel children that I don't feel that ugly mom-envy come out. How do these alien-lifeforms do it? What is the key to success that would make me look like a less obvious chronic couch potato?

I used to mom-envy (yes, this is a verb now) moms who didn't work outside the home. I used to think maybe if I didn't have to get up and go to work everyday my house would be cleaner and I could just wake up and spend six hours doing my makeup and like an hour cleaning everyday and an hour working out and my body would be rocking and my house would be perfect and my husband would be so impressed... But then after my second baby was born and I was out of work on maternity leave and I had to stay home with my kids everyday for like, six weeks and that was enough of that for me.

Now to my main point: The Three Stages of Mom Envy

1. Anger: So honestly, my first thought when I see one of these crazy people who seem like they actually have their lives together is that maybe I could trip them and on a scale of 1 to 10 how mad would Jesus be at me? I'm actually a super nice person and completely non-confrontational so don't worry, I won't actually trip anyone...

2. Justification: So after I'm done thinking about tripping said crazy person, I make all sorts of assumptions about what their life and use those to justify my loathing (maybe I'm not actually a nice person after all). In my head I think things like, "Yeah, well I would look great too if my baby wasn't up all night", or "I would have time to fix my face too if my kids were perfect little angels"... When actually I have no idea about this poor innocent person's life and also I'm just lazy.

3. Self-loathing: So then, after all of that diabolical planning and coming up with crazy scenarios and whatnot I'm left feeling angry towards myself. Why am I like this? If I could only discipline myself enough to get up earlier and plan ahead I could be like that...

The fact is that this mom is probably just taking it day by day (just like me), that her kids might be having an exceptionally good day and are on their best behavior, that she is super tired and running on coffee because she didn't lay in bed that extra hour and got up in time to fix her hair and make up or laid clothes out the night before so she would have a less stressful morning. Chances are someone is looking at you thinking: "Wow, mom goals" and possibly planning on tripping you if they see you in Target. It's super important that when we see moms out there killing it that we take the time to let them know how awesome they are. It's even more important to let the moms we don't necessarily envy (with the crying kids and messy hair) know that they're doing an amazing job too...

My goal for next week is to have my meals for the week planned out by Saturday (We grocery shop Sunday), to pack my diaper bag and lay clothes out every night before I go to sleep, and to wake up 30 minutes every morning before my usual wake-up time... I will be waiting for someone to trip me in public.